We've been having a lot of ups and downs at our house the last few weeks. I am trying some new alternative medicines to help with some of my challenges and haven't had a whole lot of upbeat things to post about. Yesterday, I was testing the kids in Benjamin's school class on reading when I received a text from one of my friends that gave me a different perspective on my challenges, constant as they may be. You see, the text read "Candice's baby passed away of SIDS this morning." I struggled not to burst into to tears and rush home. Her baby boy was 2 1/2 months old.
Candice is one of my close neighbors and friends, and one of the sweetest people I know. Her kids play with my kids. I remember her delight at having a second boy to added to their family of three girls and one boy and the struggles she was having at the end of her most recent pregnancy. I cannot begin to imagine what she is going through right now.
Her loss has taught me a great deal about "mourning with those who mourn" as we are instructed to in the scriptures. It has only been a matter of hours, but trying to deal with my own reactions to what has happened has been intense. I reflected on the pregnancy losses I've experienced, my difficult pregnancies, Bekah's RSV at 4 weeks old, and the impression I had that one of my babies would not make it shortly before he was born. None of those can compare to losing a baby to something you have no control over like SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), but it gave me a little bit of perspective. Then I went through all my frustrations as a mother lately and felt guilty about taking my children for granted. I found myself asking questions like "do I enjoy my time with them," "how can I be more patient with them," "do they know how much I love them," etc. After I talked with Michael about everything that was going through my head, he helped me understand that in my own way I was trying to empathizes and it was okay to feel the way I was feeling.
I am devastated for her. All of life's other uncomfortable moments and ongoing challenges are not as painful or important right now. Even though I know families can be forever, it is very hard to lose them in this life, especially after such a short time. I pray they will be able to find comfort and healing in the months to come.
