Garden Planted . . . . Check!

Saturday we spent most of the day working outside again, and then I finished some more planting and yard improvements today.

Buried drain hoses - check (on 2 anyway)
Planted seeds in garden box - check
Planted tomato plants - check
Weeded flower beds - check
Mowed front lawn - check
Edged front lawn and driveway - check
Mulched flower beds - check
Laid rock edging around finished flower beds - check

Our garden is all planted, the flower beds are halfway done, and half of our ugly drain hoses are buried. It feels so good that our yard has come so far from just being unruly grass last year. We feel like we actually have a yard instead of just a lawn. Any volunteers to come do our mowing?

The "Hidden" Garden

Now that the "Gardens" are open, we look forward to going more often. The other day the children and I arrived at Farm Country before they were open and decided to explore some of the grounds behind the shops. We discovered this beautiful "hidden" garden. I couldn't believe the property owners were hiding something so beautiful behind the shops and not sharing it with people who do not know that it is there to look. The tulips were abloom in a variety of colors and the bridges and paths were intriguing. The best part: no admission fee. My pictures do not do justice to the awe I felt when I stepped between the outside hedges. It was like stepping into a fairy tale land. Honestly.

Playing Interpreter

Yesterday afternoon Bekah was insistent that she wanted to "Go 'Bela's. Animals." Baffled I tell her we can't go to the zoo because it will close soon and we can't go to the farm because it is raining outside. She repeats herself several times before I convince her to watch a movie while I go run my leftover errands from the weekend. (Dad is there to supervise if she or Benjamin needs anything since he works from.) I get home and Bekah tries again to communicate where it is she wants to go. Because she is trying so hard to communicate, I rack my brain trying to figure out what it is she is trying to say. Then I remember that Bekah likes to go to Cabela's and see the animal displays they have there. I ask her if she wants to go to "Cabela's" and she grins at me triumphantly, nods her head empathically, and says "Go 'Bela's. Animals." and grabs her shoes so that she can get ready to go. Glad that I have finally been able to interpret what it is she is trying to say, I tell her that we can go to Cabela's after dinner and after everyone eats their dinner we load up in the car to go to Cabela's. Playing interpreter is hard work sometimes but well worth it when I finally know what it is the children are trying to say.

Taco Soup Weekend

Do you ever think you have a good plan that should be simple to execute only to find out it won't be executable because it involves other people? That is how my weekend went. After a busy week of running errands, doing major house cleaning, and a huge amount of yard work I was looking forward to a weekend filled with fun activities and friends. Some of the activities happened, none of the friends did. This is how things went.

Friday - worked on more house cleaning projects, balancing the checkbook, trying to convince Benjamin to listen, and hung out all day in hopes that the people who signed up to bring over displays for stake talent night would actually bring them over without a phone call (trying to hold others accountable for the responsibilities they volunteered for). Also, sent an email to cousins who had not responded for over a week about whether Friday or Saturday would work to get everyone together saying we would be serving Taco Soup for dinner and playing games the following night at 5:30 for anyone who wanted to come. Gave up at 4 p.m. and took the whole family swimming since it would give the children something to do rather than be in my face and interrupt me every 5 minutes. Needless to say, I didn't have the opportunity to go run the errands that I needed to. After swimming we went out for "$5 foot longs" and went to a park to play. The kids had a blast and we had trouble prying them away from each activity we were doing in order to get home in time for bed. Michael and I ended the day with a movie after putting the kids to bed and thought that our weekend was off to a decent start even if we still had a ton of things that needed doing. Last thing before going to bed, put beans in the crock pot to sock over night for Taco Soup the next day.

Saturday morning- After breakfast, I checked my email for any responses about people coming over for dinner. No email responses. Answered a phone call from a friend who says her children are sick and she doesn't want to expose us so she won't be bringing them over. Try to console a distraught Benjamin who is acting like it is the end of the world because his friends are not coming over. Make phone calls to the people who were suppose to bring over displays and get ahold of one person only to find out her husband had signed her up and she had no idea what was going on and leave messages for everyone else. Give up on trying to get ahold of people and go outside to clean the cars inside and out. Try to give specific instructions on how help is needed and get ingnored for the most part and try to keept he children out of the road that is super busy with unobservant construction workers. Finish cleaning the cars, eat lunch, and put the kids down for naps.

Saturday afternoon - Attempt to relax for a bit since my energy reserves are running low and decide to call cousins to see if anyone is coming since I have been canceled on all day long. Get ahold of two people, one of which tells me she forgot and the other one says they didn't get the email until this morning and they are not coming. Say we'll have to get together another time and hang up the phone disappointed. Can't get ahold of anyone else, so I assume no one is coming and don't finish making Taco Soup. Then I get on the phone to try again to get ahold of people who are suppose to bring display stuff to my house. In the meantime, my children wake up and won't leave me alone and my husband is nowhere to be found. Run out of the house to drop off some things and pick up some other things and rush back to take a quick shower before running a couple of errands and setting up for the talent show display. Load the two kids up to go run errands and my husband materializes and asks if I want him to go with him. At this point I am so frustrated and agitated from all of the opposition in trying to accomplish a few simple things that I tell him I don't care and proceed to go run my errands.

Saturday evening - I'm at my last stop when I get a phone call asking if we were getting together at my house tonight. I'm completely baffled because the phone call is from the person who told me they aren't coming and say as much as well as I couldn't get ahold of anyone else so I assumed no one was coming. She says don't worry about it, and I try to explain that I just need to pick up two things and we will be home in a few minutes. She says don't hurry and we hang up the phone. We complete our shopping and Michael drops me off at the church to set up and rushes home only to find no one at our house. He comes back to pick me up and I start scrambling to finish dinner because it appears that we are, after all, having company. As I'm scrambling to finish dinner, Michael sees another cousin and her family pull up to our house as he is running over to get the mail and is surprised to find they are not here when he gets back. He asks me why they left and I respond that I didn't know they were here so he goes and chases them down only to be told, without being able to get a word in edgewise, that "she" called and told us it was canceled and so they were leaving. Knowing I had not canceled anything in comes home and tells me what happened just as I am finishing enough Taco Soup to feed twelve people. I call back the cousin who said she wasn't coming and then showed up to find out that "she" had called everyone to tell them it was canceled even though it never was. I don't know why she did that because it was never canceled, but she did and it hurt a lot especially given the day I was already having. Not to mention the fact that the cousin that Michael chased down made it obvious that she wants nothing to do with me or my family unless other cousins are involved. If I had some kind of negative relationship with her that would be understandable, but since I have no relationship with her I don't comprehend why she feels that way. I finish the day off deep cleaning more of my house and preparing our family room for choir the next day.

Sunday morning - We begin the day getting up early and making sure that Michael is ready to go to a meeting that has been scheduled for 9 a.m. on every third Sunday for the last 6 months. Michael shows up to be told that the meeting is at 10 a.m. and so he comes home to help me finish getting the kids ready and returns to the church at 10 a.m. to find out the meeting was actually at 9:15 and so he has missed an important meeting for the second month in a row thanks to poor communication from ward leaders. At 11:15 people start showing up for choir but no pianist or choir director is there by 25 after and so I call to find out what is going on only to be told that choir practice is at 11:45 today. I express my frustration that no one said anything only to be told that it was discussed at choir last week and the choir president was suppose to call everyone and let them know. I asked why she couldn't have said anything before she left last week only to get a non-committal response blaming the choir president again. I get off the phone to explain to those who are early that choir isn't actually until later then they previously thought and as they leave we scramble to get our children fed before choir instead of after because by the time choir is over there will no longer be enough time to feed my children afterwards and still make it to church on time.

Sunday afternoon - We go to church with two tired children hoping to have a spirtually uplifting experience. We have not even made it through the opening song when I have to take Bekah out into the foyer because she is screaming so loudly. We struggle with two wiggly children through most of the meeting and the choir number and head home to put two very tired children to bed for afternoon naps. That wasn't the end of the day, but I didn't having anything to do with other people beyond my husband and children for the rest of the day.

With that much crap shoved into one 48 hour period I have decided that I am done with trying to organize family get togethers and relying on people to follow through when they sign up for responsibilities relating to ward or stake activities. I know I'll get over it, but right now I feel like I am experiencing the aftermath of emotional trauma. It is difficult to be hit with so many things at the same time. It's history and time will make it easier to forget. And we still have plenty of leftover Taco Soup so I don't have to cook for most of the week. I hope my family can handle eating beans for a few more days . . . . .

Praise the Action, Not the Child

When I first heard of this concept, I was offended at the suggestion. What! Praise what a child is doing, instead of who they are? How will the child know they are of value and view their accomplishments positively?

Once I got over my initial indignation, I listened to what my professor said and discovered that I like this concept much better than my preconceived notions of fostering self-confidence. When a child learns how to jump, the parent says, "Good jumping!" instead of "What a good jumper you are!" This communicates to the child that he or she is able to DO something instead of giving him or her a title. From my perspective, a title limits what the child can do to what he or she has done in the past. A title also presents the opportunity to compare one's self to others whereas describing what a child can do limits that possibility. So if a child knows he or she is good at jumping he or she will be more likely to share what he or she knows with others rather than describing themselves with a title.

This probably sounds a little confusing. When I have tried to apply this concept in watching my children learn and grow, I can see the positive significance it has. For example, Benjamin always wants to be the winner and when he is not he becomes very distraught. However, Benjamin loves to share what he can do with other people. When he has heard that he is good at jumping, he will go up to people and say, "Look at me. I can jump." Whereas when he thinks he is the winner of race and someone tells him he is not, he argues the point until either he or the other person is extremely upset.

The other positive aspect of praising a child's actions instead of providing him or her with a title is that this technique helps the child realize that he or she can DO things. Very impowering when I think about how hard it is to try something new, especially if I have titled myself as less capable of a given action. If I know that I am good at something, crocheting for example, I am more likely to tackle new and different projects than I am if I say I am a good crocheter. As a good crocheter, I have accomplished something and that task is in the past and I don't see much of a need or ability to move beyond what I have already accomplished. I know that some of my internalized labels are limiting in other aspects of my life, but as I focus more on what I can do I stretch myself more and accomplish more than I ever thought possible. The same thing is true for my children.

When I first tried to apply this technique in my parenting strategy it was not easy. But it makes me feel like I am empowering my children more and reducing the amount of limitations placed on them in this world and it has reduced the conflict and comparison between siblings and friends.

Countdown to Surgery

Yep, it's that time again. I have to get the metal taken out of my arm now that my bone has healed. In approximately 24 days, I go under the knife again. This time I don't have to be in a splint and pain for ten days before finding out I need surgery, and my doctor says that my recovery should be much faster.

The bad news:

• I'll be out of commission for a couple of weeks, at the minimum.
• I have to be knocked out again. (I hate what anesthesia does to me.)
• I have a lot of yard work I need to finish in the next three weeks.
• I'll need pain killer after surgrery.
• I will have to put off swimming for a few weeks during the summer.
• I couldn't get the custom countdown widgits to work so that I can see the countdown in the sidebar.

The good news:

• I get to schedule my surgery for when I can have somebody come stay with us to help out with the kids and the house. Last time it took me 15 phone calls to find someone to watch my children during the surgery.
• The garden is mostly planted.
• We have different insurance this time so the cost should be around 10% of what it cost last time. (Which is great when surgery cost a couple grand the last time around.)
• There is pain killer and anesthesia available to make the surgery and recovery easier.
• I won't feel like screaming in pain every time my elbow gets bumped, which happens a lot trying to keep up with our active little ones.
• My arm will be more likely to return to its full strength, something it hasn't done with the metal still in my arm.
• I will have an awesome battle wound signifying that while I am breakable, I still live to talk about it.
• My weather barometer will be less profound when it gets cold outside.

Surgery is not convenient, but it is necessary to improve my ability to function physically. Oh well, at least I have learned my lesson about rollerblading and I won't be doing that again anytime soon.

Family Vacations

I have avoided going in debt up until the time I got married. I didn't want to be poor or obligated to pay someone else for what I needed. I wanted to be financially independent. However, that means that there is not much leftover after paying for the necessities to go and do things. I chose to try to graduate from college debt free rather than take an exotic vacation.

Then I got married and I tried to maintain the same perspective. We gave up going on a honeymoon beyond a couple of nights at a local motel and bed and breakfast.

We gave up using any of my vacation time from my full time job in order to make sure I recieved a full paycheck when I had to take 5 weeks maternity leave after graduating from our two year school.

After that, I quit my full time job and we had to take out student loans to survive in order to complete our bachelor's degrees and have another baby. In order to try to limit our debt, we avoided any family vacations beyond going to visit either set of parents or grandparents. We thought we were doing pretty good on trying to limit our debts and were elated when Michael finally received a well paying, full time job that would mean we could do more things. Again, instead of going on vacation we invested in a home.

Then we tenatively planned a vacation with some friends for last fall and what happens, I fall and break my elbow needing surgery. No family vacation then either. So we shoot for late winter when the medical bills should be paid off and what happens? My sister decides to get married and have her receptions a month apart. No family vacation, two trips for two receptions reduced our travel budget. So we put it off for early spring.

I've always wanted to go to Disneyland. I was excited when a friend's husband started working for Disneyland and she said that if we come to visit they can get us in for a reduced rate. Having never been on a real family vacation (not even with my parents and siblings, I'm the oldest of five and my dad is a school teacher so vacations were unaffordable growing up), I was very excited at the possibility of going some place as exciting as Disneyland with my little family. Low and behold, three days before we were suppose to leave my friend emails me with some confusion over sleeping arrangements while we were to be in town to visit them and go to Disneyland. She thought we were going to stay in a motel and we thought we were going to stay with them. With no explanation whatsoever, she tells us that she talked to her husband and we can't stay with them but there are cheap hotels on priceline.com. What a blow! Had we known sooner we could have made other arrangements or budgeted for such an expense, but with three days notice and a variety of other large expense coming up in the next couple of months we had to cancel our trip. Yep, no family vacation.

I'm tired of not having any vacations that do not include visiting family, but I am still struggling with trying to minimize our debt, live within our means, and save for a rainy day. I think I've too rigid of ideals, but I am hoping that someday we will go on a real family vacation, no if I can just stop having surgery (I'm going on my third one in less than a year, even if one of them was only oral surgery) . . . . .

Dear Grandpa

Dear Grandpa,

I love you, but I am tired of having family reunions. I do not claim to understand why you even want them when you aren't able to attend the events for very long.

We will not be coming to the most recent even as dictated. I am tired of having all of my trips planned for me. We can only afford to travel so much in a given year and I would rather go on vacation with my family than have to attend one more family function instead. Besides all family reunions do is create contention. There's the fight over who gets to be in charge, the confusion and disagreements over where people are going to stay, and the problem of trying to avoid offending anyone else in the family by something you say or do during the duration of the event. To me, family reunions are worthless and frustrating, but maybe that stems from all the slaps in the face I have received lately from family members over familly get togethers and family reunions. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, I'm just not worth much to any of them and everything I say and do is misconstrued to make me out to be the bad guy. I don't really feel that family is worth it sometimes unless you all grew up together to start out with. At least then you have some history with them instead of just a blood relation and they are people you actually want to spend time with. Grandpa, I don't belong anywhere, I'm just there. I'm sorry, I wish I felt differently, but that is the painful truth.

I'm tired of trying and giving and hoping and believing that something will change. I don't want to be someone who just takes up space and is a number to count as an accomplishment, I want to feel like I belong and I am important. I think I'm of some value, aren't I?

I love you, Grandpa, but I am done with family reunions, period.

Charlynn

The Way Children Respond to Sarcasm

Bekah loves food. We have to double our efforts to keep the pantry door shut tight to keep her out of the snacks since she has demonstrated her climbing abilities on the shelves. Today she has been fervently requesting cookies since breakfast. After her fourth or fifth cookie I looked at her and said, "Bekah, you keep eating like this you are going to be a chunky monkey."

With a great big grin on her face, she responds, "Who, hee, who, who (monkey noises)." Oh what is a mother to do!

A Different Perspective on Fountains

I went out to lunch with a friend and as we were coming out of the restaurant I spotted this cool fountain. There was actually rain dripping down from the umbrella. I have to admit that I never considered combining a statue that didn't have an obvious source of water (water vase, fish, animal spitting, etc.) with water to make an unique fountain such as this. I had to take pictures so I wouldn't forget this unique creation.

"I was Drugged by My Parents"

I received this in an email today. It was so funny and true that I had to share.

Cardboard Box Forts, the Sequel

Mommy, take my picture!

Benjamin Turns Four

Benjamin had his birthday ten days ago and he is now four! He tells us that he can listen better now that he is four and that he is almost five, which means he can go to school soon. He is too smart for his own good and is constantly keeping us on our twos. He loved being the center of attention for one whole day.

Bekah was excited to watch Benjamin open presents. So excited that she kept stepping in front of the camera while Mom was trying to take pictures.

Aunt Mary and Uncle Gary were helping keep Bekah from being in front of the camera. It was fun that they happened to be in town for a special performance the same weekend Benjamin had his birthday.

More tigers! Rrrrr!

Dinosaur sandwich cutters!

Benjamin loves getting mail. Especially when they contain birthday presents!

And the "Biggest Loser" is . . . .

As a faithful viewer of the "Biggest Loser" on NBC, I have watched parts of all episodes (most importantly, all weigh-ins). Tonight we sat down for the season finale with the expectation of the usual two hour episode. At 9:30 I realized it was going to be a three hour episode since we were already two and half hours into the show and the hostess had just determined the at home winner: Jerry lost 177 pounds (47.95% of his weight at the beginning of the show) at the age of 64 after only spending two weeks on the ranch (the three finalists for the grand prize spent 18 weeks on the ranch). Amazing! After this was determined, the journey of the three finalists are covered with commercials breaks in between each contestant bio. Because I was up early and running around all day, at this point I begin to dose off and sleep through commercial breaks. Unfortunately, I slept right through the last commercial break and the final weigh. Yep, I missed the whole announcement of who this season's biggest loser is. Michael was so tied up in the show that he thought I had awaken in time to see the results of the final weigh-in and I'm so frustrated that I waited 18 weeks to see the final two minutes only to sleep through it.

I guess that is not the important part. The reason I watch this show so diligently is because it is one of the very few shows on prime time television that encourage and challenge people to improve themselves. Even though there is the grand prize at the end, people cannot achieve it without improving themselves first. I have learned a lot about eating healthy and exercising in addition to the challenges individuals face in striving to achieve their goals and what has "trapped" them in the way of life they find themselves in. It is intriguing to see how people change physically and emotionally during their journey to lose weight and improve their way of life. That is why we enjoy watching this show.

By the way, the winner was Helen who at 48 lost over 54% of her weight at the beginning of the show. That means the pink team has one for three seasons in a row now as well as a female being the biggest loser for three seasons in a row. And the next season begins . . . .

Train Ride at Zoo

I took these pictures while riding the train at the zoo almost a month ago. Not bad for an amateur with a "point and shoot" camera, riding on a moving train. The train takes you through the buffalo corrals, a "old west" graveyard, a mining camp, a wagon train camp, and the animals native to our area exhibit. The most fascinating part is the sign that says "Danger, Do Not Enter" as you are riding past the buffaloes.

No zooming on this picture. Yep, it was that close.

Looking down on the mining camp.

A miner, hard at work.

Opening Presents: Benjamin

Benjamin wanted to see a video of himself opening presents since we already have a video of Bekah doing so.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! I usually send out email cards to all of the wonderful women I have email addresses for and this year I figured I would post it on my blog as well, to catch those of you I don't have email addresses for. So this is for all of you wonderful, dedicated women out there who face the challenges and joys of motherhood or have the strong desire to be mothers and experience those challenges and joys firsthand. I am amazed by you! Thank you for being a positive influence in my life and helping remind me that I am not alone in what I am experiencing and learning.

The "Elder" Countdown

The countdown has begun. My brother has a little less than 12 weeks left of his two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It doesn't feel like it has been two years. The ironic thing is that he will probably end his mission about 4 hours from us, in the same state he started out in, instead of being within an hour of us like he has been for the last 18 months.

I have some pictures taken at the Albuquerque temple a few weeks before he left for his mission in August 2007. His farewell was the same weekend and I'm glad I was able to be there to share that experience with him. And even the sixteen hour drive spread out over two to three days each way that it took to be there wasn't too bad. Thanks, Mary, for traveling most of those hours with me and helping me with our two little ones and helping arrange places to stay since Michael had to stay home and work. Whew! I'm glad we are not that far away from my family anymore.

Anyway, the countdown has begun . . . . .

My Brother & Uncle Martin

Mary, Bekah, David, Mom, Kristina, Benjamin, & Charlynn

Happy Birthday, Baby Animals!

Every year Farm Country has a birthday party for the baby animals that are born in the spring. Okay, so it is mostly an excuse to invite people to come to farm country once the weather starts to warm up, but it was fun to see the brand new animals and participate in the activities. (Among the activities not post were chocolate milk sampling and riding the ponies.) We had a blast! I was glad that we could make it this year and look forward to going again next year

"Fishing" at the duck pond.

Dancing while waiting for our turn at the duck pond.

Milk jug bowling. Bekah thought she needed to hold the ball and use it to push over the milk jugs. Benjamin threw the ball so fast that Mom was hard pressed to catch him in action.

Eating cake. I don't think this dessert was shared with the birthday animals, but we sure enjoyed it!

The Pig Trough activity consisted of using only your mouth to find the piece of gum in the pile of whipped cream. Benjamin found the gum and chewed it without swallowing (a major feat) and Bekah enjoyed the whipped cream.

Piglets!

The baby goat was able to be in the same pen as his mother, a priviledge not all of the baby animals had.

Ropin' the hay bale animals.

Washable, animal tatoos picked out by the children. "My cow," a smiling Bekah said.

"I want a horse," Benajmin declares.

These lambs were bleating so loudly for their mommies that they scared Bekah. It was so sad, especially because sheep are her favorite animals.

When I see a calf this small I find it hard to believe that it will be so big when it is a full grown cow.