I have a friend I am struggling with right now. She thinks life should be ran like a well oiled machine and people with messy houses, excessive weight, and complaints are a waste of space, time, and resources. At least that is the impression I get from her with all of the criticism I listen to about all of our friends. And, I am ashamed, I often feed her behavior by agreeing with her observations. Unfortunately, I now wonder how often she says the same things about me. My house is almost always a mess in one way or another and since a lot of the housework falls to me (my husband works full time and my kids aren't quite big enough to help much with the big things) I feel like I am failing because there is no way I can live up to her standards. As a result, I have been spending a lot of time being hard on myself because I am trying to avoid believing she has so many negative things to say about my house and children, or listen to her tell me how to do things better. I've had to take a break from our friendship and when I try to explain how I feel, she ends up confused, tells me I am not suppose to feel that way, or just ignores what I have to say. Anyway, I have been struggling with that and today I read this on another friend's status on Facebook (yes, I spend a lot of time keeping track of people on Facebook.)
"Dirty dishes prove I feed my kids, full trashcans prove I change my baby's diapers, messy floors prove that I let my kids have fun, piles of clothes prove I keep my kids in clean clothes, a messy bathroom proves that I bathe my kids! So next time you walk into my house and see a mess, just know I'm trying my best to be a good parent!"
When I look at my life from this perspective, I realize I am doing the best I can given my circumstances and that is all I can expect from myself. My kids are not perfectly behaved and my house is always in some state of mess, but I do spend time with my children and I try to keep up enough on the house so we can be healthy, fed, and have clean clothes to wear. To me, spiderwebs now mean I must have spent some time with my kiddos and not that I am neglecting my house.
I hope I will be able to mend things with my friend, but for now having less of her strong opinions has relieved a huge burden in my life.
2 comments:
A friend of ours has a quote hanging in her house that says "Please excuse the mess, my children are making memories" I just figure that if someone doesn't like the mess then they shouldn't stop by. My living room is for living in, not to be spotless in case someone might stop by. You're doing an amazing job. I admire all the things you are able to do with 3 children. All the outings and activities, plus being able to feed them, clean, and keep up with laundry and all the other tasks that must be done. Don't worry what others think about messes. Just know that you are amazing!
You are an amazing woman and mother, with so many wonderful qualities. You live in your home. That is what it is for! Your children will grow up and remember all the things you did with them rather than that you were always cleaning. Love ya.
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